graham warren.com

top spot must go to the metropolitan police’s prosecution of two tube workers who were wrongly accused of biting the heads off black jelly babies in a ‘racially intimidating manner’. apparently it took two and a half years and £250000 to prosecute the two and the jury only 58 minutes to realise that the charges were fantastically stupid.
second prize to the central scotland police for their brilliant but sadly aborted prosecution of a man ‘revving his car in a racist manner’. third prize to thames valley police for arresting a man who suggested that a police horse might be ‘gay’ thus – according to the boys in blue – causing offence and distress to ‘both the police officer and his horse’.
prizes will be presented next month when someone is out twoccing your car or stabbing your son.

a teacher was attacked outside a school by a man wielding a 950000 volt stun gun. in this report he is described as being of ‘mixed race’ but a police spokesman on the wireless described him as ‘dual heritage’. now what is that about?

we have our milk delivered (how terribly quaint) and with our latest delivery we received a note telling us that prices would soon rise. this in itself is not a problem (we expect price rises every now and again). what was particularly grating though was that the note was signed ‘ your milkperson’.